Marriage Questions for My Grandmother
In about 5 months, I will be buttoning up my dress and slipping on my Kate Spade Keds to run down the aisle to the love of my life.
I have been waiting for this ever since 11th grade, when I melted at the sight of Tyler's shaggy hair and skater boy aesthetic. Thankfully, he got a haircut, I grew out of my scene phase and now we're engaged! It is something I am so excited about, something I had been dreaming about and cinematically pondering as I looked out of a car window while I listened to the jazz song from Wall-e.
Our love story is a whole 'nother blog post in itself. I want to focus on the future for a moment. Our marriage is a miracle, an almost missed opportunity, but it is a huge change and huge step. If you're anything like me, fretting over a change in start time for my hip hop class, change can be a lot. A lot to wrap your head around, a lot to get used to, and a lot to prepare for.
Instead of allowing myself to sit, wonder and stress, I figured it would be in my best interest to take some actionable steps. I wanted to make an effort to cure my curiosity and learn from the best.
My grandmother, my Geegee, has been married for 51 years. She is a strong woman in every role she has been given; daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, friend. People think I'm kidding when I say that my grandma is my best friend.
I wanted to ask her some of my most burning questions in hopes I would gain a bit more vision in what I want for myself and my husband in our fast approaching married life. I also wanted to know about her love life because I’m nosy.
1. How do you have an argument and then get past the awkwardness after the argument has settled? I have a hard time letting go of an argument even after apologies have been given and can’t get out of the stressful mindset.
“Arguments are not always easy to get through and forget. When you’re young, it’s harder because it’s difficult to see both sides. You don’t have as much experience and you seem to always know that you are right. I think the best way to move on from it all, is honestly to take a moment to step away. They always say to stick it out to work it out, but from my experience, there is nothing wrong with taking a moment to collect your thoughts and tell yourself to let it go. It’s easier to let something go when it’s coming from a moment where you are seeking some resolution, rather than the other person telling you to let it go. I try not to talk it out until I can reason it out alone. Just as there is to sides to a coin, there are two sides to a disagreement, and knowing that helps to let it go. After you collect yourself and let it go on your own, hold each other, take a deep breath, sit together, settle it and let it go. Sounds hard to do but if you stick to the routine, you will have less differences. Of all of the times we have fussed and fought, he never went to work without us saying that we love each other. I never wanted to let him leave without me letting it all go and saying that I care about him, because that is most important.”
2. Do you ever get bored? What do you do to keep things new?
“Yes, I definitely do get bored, but think it’s more with myself and the day to day life of being retired instead of our marriage. Papa has his things that keep his mind busy and his hobbies, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve just lost interest in the hustle and bustle. I love being still, I love my flowers and I love Dr. Phil at 4 o’clock. And Papa knows that. He knows I like the simple things, but sometimes will encourage me to try a little something new, like a recipe or maybe just a new show. You can run out of things to do and may not really want to do a whole lot, but there are always things to talk about and things to learn about when you get a wild hair. As far as us together, we don’t have time to get bored because we know after 51 years together, we are just alike.”
3. How has your marriage changed over time?
"After all our years together, we are closer now that we have ever been. When you’re young, you live so fast that in the back of your brain, maybe just for me, you never think of a lifetime together. You think you do, but not really. It’s not until you live through the highs and the lows and survive it until you can really think of the honest life you will live together. Because your love is that strong. It’s nice to look back and know you made it through. We are best friends and can tell each other anything, sometimes he hears me and sometimes not, he needs to look into some hearing aids I think!”
4. What is something you wish you knew before getting married?
“I think I looked at marriage as sort of a fairytale but found out real quick and checked into reality. Making ends meat is hard enough, but being pregnant after being married only 3 months makes a person grow up real quick. We had nothing but each other when we got married and we had to figure things out fast. It was difficult having our children while we were young, but we stayed young with them and I would not have changed anything. It made life more fun.”
5. What are some of your favorite memories in your marriage so far?
“Some of our favorite moments in our marriage was having our kids and working hard to see that they had everything we could give them. Being together and loving all the good and the bad. Looking back, we think we did a pretty dang good job.”